Scattering

Goat Island Light

Saying goodbye is such a difficult thing to do…

Our loved ones never truly leave us… they live on in the kindness they showed,  the comfort they shared and the love they brought into our lives.

I’d say this more than aptly describes my Rob.  Cape Porpoise, and Goat Island was his very favorite place to be.  As an artist, he always said it inspired him to paint.  As an avid kayaker.. a favorite place to paddle. And with his passing, the right place for his scattering ceremony.

You can shed tears that he is gone or you can  smile because he has lived.  You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him or you can be full of the love that you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he is gone or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back or you can do what Rob would want you to do….

Smile,  Open Your Eyes, Love and Go On. ♥♥♥

Read Full Post »

Peaceful Respite

Peaceful Respite

Chronic illness is like dropping a pebble in a still pond, Rob says. and the rippling effects of that pebble (the disease) reaches out far and wide. He’s a fighter, my dear hubby and refuses to let cancer rule our life. Battling lymphoma is just one part of him, but we refuse to let it override everything.

So with these steamy hot days we’ve been seeing, we took to the beach early one morning last week. You know.. just as the tide is turning– there will always be a slight breeze, even on the steamiest of days.   It was such a peaceful respite from our typical daily schedule of oncology, hospitals and clinics.  Just the break he needed.  The gulls flew over us squawking up their storm and the sanderlings danced across the waters edge in their busy movement searching for food.  We laughed as they reminded us of our busy schedules these days..always on the go.

Young Sanderlings

Sanderlings are plump little shorebirds that are always in motion feeding along the shoreline where the wave’s action stirs up their food.  They are constantly running back and forth with the waves probing the sand foraging for little crustaceans and worms.  This little group allowed me to get somewhat close, but typically they are pretty tough to capture, at least on my little camera.  I was happy with this result though–for both the shot and spirit– a good day.

Read Full Post »

Life changes

I remember the day my life changed on a dime fourteen months ago.   An ER visit for an entirely non-related malady.  A simple xray.  A diagnosis.  There must be a mistake.  Are we talking about the same patient?

And so it began.. admission, blood tests, MRI, second and third opinions, bone marrow biopsy.. the waiting game.. the important factor of staging lymphoma–the higher the LDH enzyme the more rapid and agressive the therapy.  His was over 750.  This pretty much indicated that the cancer was wide spread and incredibly active.  Petscan confirmed this.  Cancer was taking control of his body and all over the place.  The course of action.. surgery, followed by  six months of agressive chemotherapy.  Our life as we once knew it has changed.   Financial security, careers, a working farm.. became a thing of the past.  The focus became only one thing-battling this disease.

Rob is a gentle man, with a remarkable inner strength, a great Dad, a retired teacher and lover of good food.  One who overcame his fear of needles and a New Englander at heart.. a watercolorist and an animal lover.  A friend of many and a man of many baseball caps and one helluva cribbage player, and yes,  my dear husband is now a survivor of lymphoma.  Life is good.

Life is Good

Yesterday after fourteen months of ongoing care they drew more blood to check his LDH. It’s 181.  We are thrilled.  We still have an important petscan next week that will actually show us the cancer has retreated.  Normal levels for the first time in over a year!  We’ve never been so ecstatic to just be normal.  Life is indeed very good.

Yesterday is a cancelled check,

Tomorrow is a promissary note.

Today, is cash in hand…

Spend it wisely!

Read Full Post »